Re-entry Was A Bitch But Now I Think I’m Warming Up To Her 3

So, its been almost 2 months to the day since I last wrote a blog entry.  Not the best idea if you want people to follow you.  But when I started the blog it was to write about musings on life in Japan by a 40 something American woman.  Well, that’s not how I can describe myself anymore but life is all about change and change brings lots of things to write about so I’m not going to be stuck on my original terms.  Like many of my friends, this past June I left Japan after several years and returned to my “home”.  Well, sort of.  We moved to a different house in a neighboring town and the girls started school somewhere they have never gone before.  Hayden went off to college leaving our house severely uneven in terms of estrogen and testosterone (poor Tom) and things are just…different.  I feel like I am playing house.  Its similar to the feeling I had when I first got married and I was a new wife.  Living in a small apartment in the middle of a large city forces you out into the streets and here in Rye, I feel tethered to my home.  Everything revolves around your house in the suburbs.  Cleaning it, decorating it, maintaining it, sweeping the leaves, tending the garden – its a lot of time and effort so I guess there is good reason we spend a lot of time here.  I’m also finding it harder to be spontaneous.  Things are more programmed here – time more allocated, kids more dependent.  I feel I have lost some of myself moving back home.  And not all my friends came home.  Many of them are still living my life back in Japan and I get to watch it daily on fb.  Not easy.  But on the flipside – there are so many good things about being back in New York again: pillsbury ready pie crusts, credit card machines in nyc taxis, 900 television channels, backyards, garbage pails on every corner, restaurants that deliver, shoe stores with sizes bigger than 6, real bagels, New York Times home delivery and of course family and old friends.  I’m determined to start some new projects and finish some old ones. It’s certainly not a bad thing to take stock of one’s life at 47 and decide what and who really make them happy.  And then start making decisions based on that inventory.  So regardless of whether you moved back from Japan recently or if you’ve lived in the same small town for decades – life is too short to do things that really don’t make you happy.  It’s a huge cliche but when I moved back to Japan in August of 2008 I went with a carpe diem sort of attitude.  And I intend to do the same here.